|Full Snow Moon by Leah Piken Kolidas|
As usual, when life is going full speed ahead, too fast for me to pause and catch my breath, too busy for me to pay attention to my own needs, too exhausted at the end of the day to even think about anything other than collapsing on the couch, my body inevitably stops, one way or another.
It arrived in the form of raging heartburn – a fire in my gut, pushing its way from my solar plexus up through my esophagus and into the back of my throat – making it difficult to eat, to talk or to focus on anything else. The daily joy so often taken for granted – food – suddenly became the enemy. My body rejecting anything outside of itself.
On Tuesday, our Full Moon Women’s Circle was scheduled, and this time the circle came to me. Sitting in my living room, we talked about the tensions we’ve each been feeling between our inner lives (love, creativity, passions and health) and our outer lives (work, relationships, routines). We talked about what happens for each of us when these worlds are not aligned: anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and illness.
By the end of the conversation, I realized what we were talking about wasn’t just balance or happiness – although those things are important too. No, we were talking about something deeper; something that women have been fighting for, for centuries.
In her book, Women’s Power to Heal, Maya Tiwari describes:
“To reclaim our feminine authority, we must first regain personal freedom. Intrinsic in this freedom is the ability to shout for joy, hear the sweet magical sounds within and without, and speak your truth as earth guardian of the maternal divinity.”Maya Tiwari goes on to describe that this sense of female authority is the foundation of our self-healing. This feels true for me on the deepest level.
Rather than filling myself with distractions this week, I focused on mending my body in the stillness of my home. This meant regaining my sense of power and authority by pulling on the resources I had available:
Loving myself. Finding the time and space for silence, embracing whatever anxieties and fears that emerge, calming the inner critic, accepting my body just as it is, and starting the process from there.
Listening. From that place of stillness, allowing my deepest knowing Self to speak, trusting what that Self has to say, and having the courage to listen fully.
Being open to my creative source. More and more, I feel that my healing is connected to the creative flow that is within me. Even the smallest moments of creativity are filling me with excitement and joy, reminding me to continue to turn my attention there.
Trusting that healing comes from within. Knowing that my body has wisdom of its own and that it will tell me what is needed and when (such as rest, meditation, gentle yoga, dream journaling, specific foods, and even music). Having patience and being present enables me to follow the rhythm and cycles of what is needed from moment to moment.
As I surrender to the medicine that comes from within, I’m beginning to get well and feel like myself again – and in some ways, even stronger than before.